Cycling Shorts Dilemna

Seven weeks into Half Ironman training and I think now is the time for a reader's poll. I need a new pair of cycling shorts. So Red or White cycling shorts. Here are the candidates





Red









or White









Yeah I am thinking White

Piscina

I travel with work......a lot. This can sometimes make training a little tricky. Hotels advertise their services online as 'substantial, modern, fully equipped gym' and when you get there it's a 1970s second hand sit-up bench and a skipping rope next to a water cooler. And sometimes you don't get the water cooler. Or the sit-up bench.




The plus side of travel is that swim gear and running shoes pack pretty light and you get to run and swim in some amazing places off the beaten track. Unforgettable runs include a sunset jog along the beach at Mazagon; hilly plod through the seaside villages of Pallafrugel; the coastal pine forests of Follonica and the lava fields of Lanzarote. Lovely the lot.

But there are pitfalls in the cultural differences between nations. Us Brits are quite stand-offish and 'stiff upper lips' types and spectacularly heterosexual in our initial social interactions. Southern Europeans are not so picky. Last week I was in Barcelona on business and was spoilt for choice for pools to do my swim training Public Swimming Pools in Barcelona. Swim training is, by it's nature, a beautifully solitary experience. So imagine the scene. I had just done a hard, satisfying 1350 metre interval swim replete with warm up, drills, hard sets and a cool down. I emerged from the pool feeling pumped and tired. Replete in my budgie smugglers but a pool length and a half away from the showers. An old man in pool thongs, faded shorts and a logo-festooned polo shirt walks next to me. Let's call him Pablo

He engages me in conversation in garrulous Spanish.
Me: No abla Espanol. Pardon
Pablo: Ahhhh English you are long. I like (looking down at my budgie smugglers)
Me: Ermmmmm
Pablo (slapping me on my wet, bare back but leaving his hand there, lingering and stroking) Good
Me: Good what. Good god
Pablo: Long. I like
Me: (slightly speeding up on my, by now desperate, walk/jog to the changing rooms) Gracias
Pablo: (as he keeps following me to the changing rooms) I help you stroke long.
Me: No thanks
Pablo: You come mañana and we stroke long and strong
Me: OK (as I run for the changing rooms)

Confession

At this point I should come clean (which isn't something I say to ALL the girls). This isn't my first rodeo. I have previously done two full Ironmans and a number of Half Ironmans. But that was all before 2012. And before you all switch over to watching Celebrity Dancing on Ice with the Stars and call me a fraud, this is what happened in 2012. Frankenknee.  I thought I was going in for some keyhole surgery but came out like this. I don't know how big the key was but that freaking keyhole is enormous.  What I do like is the way that they painted a massive blue arrow on my leg to make sure that they got the right one. If you are not at all squeamish and you fancy watching what an orthopaedic surgeon can do with a chisel, a hammer, a drill and some screws then you can see the full procedure here: ACL Reconstruction using Patellar Tendon

The upshot was this. My knee was screwed.              Literally. So yes I did Ironman UK in 2007 and I did the Norseman in 2009 (which by the way is the most awesome Triathlon in the world and should be on every Triathlete's Bucket List) The Norseman Extreme Triathlon. But I haven't trained for nearly two years now and am horribly out of shape. So toe in the water, back in the saddle and best foot forward. 20 weeks to go. 

Base Building

Signed up. Chose the T-Shirt size. Twenty weeks to go from Fatty to Fitty at Forty-Seven.

First things first. You can't just rock up to a Half Ironman and expect to romp through it. You have do the hard yards and get the basics right. So first things first. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and realised that I had to make some changes for this to work. So straight on to it. Leg Wax

Rebecca is the fastest waxer in the West (Cheshire). She can strip you hairless in under 30 minutes and still hold a conversation. But this is not as easy as it seems. I mean, for starters, how high do you go up the leg. Just to the 'lycra line' and when you go swim training in your budgie smugglers you are going to have hairy bike shorts. Alternatively, the 'back, sack and crack' is only going to end in abrasive tears once you get on the bike. The 'bikini line' seemed the most sensible suggestion but when it came down to it, neither of us could work out who should be holding the 'plum pocket' out of the way whilst I was stripped of my bollockular follicles.

The spray tan is next week. I am going for 'Mahogany Madras'.